


A Little Terrified

by HK44



Series: Prompts: 2017 Edition! [4]
Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Awkwardness, Canon Autistic Character, Confessions, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Crying, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:44:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44
Summary: A couple seconds passed by in awkward silence before he matched his eyes to Jason’s, holding them tight and hard, and said, “I think I’m in love with you.”Jason’s heart stopped.Billy continued. His voice shook. “And I’m a little terrified.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous asked: 32.“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”(sobbing, hiccuping)//50.Writer’s preference. The last blue in anxiety, a bit of constant rambling, the aqua/teal in cool sundays and a tad of subtle melancholy. the colours in sodas and skateboards and conversation hearts are sorta wrong but their tonal relationship is perfectly representing
> 
> That anon of the two prompts. Sorry I didn’t mention. To your preference, I had nothing in mind and do write (whe)never you want. Thanks for asking 
> 
> (I chose 32)

“Jason?”

Billy’s voice was tentative and subdued which Jason immediately took into account when he glanced up at him. Billy’s face was drawn in tight, hands fisted as his side and he wasn’t looking at him. Just the ground, his eyes narrowed.

He also wasn’t speaking.

Worried, Jason shifted to a stand from the bench. “What’s up?”

Billy’s eyes scowered Jason for a moment before dropping and his fingers twitched agitatedly. He opened his mouth then clamped it shut and glanced away, frowning.

By now, Jason knew to let him breathe, let him form together the thoughts in his head. Billy could talk for hours if he was allowed but sometimes he went quiet. Sometimes words didn’t make as much sense to him, didn’t flow as well and he needed a few seconds to work them out in his head.

Jason waited.

He’d always wait.

Finally, minutes later, Billy sighed and relaxed his body, swallowing thickly. The gulping sound echoed quietly in the locker room. “I think,” he began, pausing as he frowned. “You can’t make fun of me.”

Jason nodded. “Of course not, Billy.”

Billy nodded with him, flexing his fingers. “I just. Mmm, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and it’s weird but I think I know what it means but ya know, feelings are weird sometimes and I don’t- I don’t really understand what it’s my head or my heart all the time but I know when I do and it’s-” He flapped his hand at his side rapidly and dropped his eyes to the floor again. A couple seconds passed by in awkward silence before he matched his eyes to Jason’s, holding them tight and hard, and said, “I think I’m in love with you.”

Jason’s heart stopped.

Billy continued. His voice shook. “And I’m a little terrified.”

Jason stared at him. “What?” he asked, a little faint. He’d misheard, misunderstood. Billy meant something else.

Friend-love.

Platonic love.

Anything but what Jason was _praying_  for. Begging to _God_ for.

Billy frowned. “I’m in love with you and I’m terrified because of that,” he repeated, point blank and blunt as ever.

“Why?” Jason said quickly. He took a step forward and stopped, despite how deeply he wanted to cross that bridge, take Billy into his arms and kiss the everlasting life out of him. “Why are you scared? How- how do you know, Billy?” He squeezed his shirt in his hands and closed his eyes. “Tell me what you mean.”

Was he shaking? He felt like he was shaking but this… this was so wildly out of what he’d been expecting. Billy…

Billy had never expressed romantic feelings for anyone. He understood why couples kissed in public but still frowned and called it unnecessary. Still shied away from too much contact, too much touch and not enough space.

They’d all talked about crushes before but Billy hadn’t mentioned one, had insisted that he couldn’t think of any one he liked and when he’d said that all of Jason’s hopes had gone flying out the window.

And yet, here he was. _Confessing_.

“I mean that I think I love you,” Billy said. He frowned. “I don’t think I can be any clearer, Jason. I mean maybe I’m not saying it right but I watched a lot of videos about love before now and I also asked my mom. And she was surprised and told me to be careful because you might not feel the same, which is okay. I can’t control your feelings but if you did feel the same, it would be really cool but not as cool as being Rangers but still as good, I guess. I mean, I can’t really be sure because I don’t have a range of reference but I did ask Kim how it felt when Trini asked her out and she said she felt like she was floating the whole day after and I don’t think you make me float but you make me happy but that’s not really the same thing as floating but I asked my mom and I asked Trini and they both agreed, in different terms, that happiness is like floating but in a different way then _actually_  floating, and I-”

Overwhelmed, Jason held up a hand. “Billy, time out, please.”

Billy nodded, patient. “Okay.”

Jason licked his lips. “You like me?”

“Yes,” Billy said firmly.

Jason relaxed. “But you’re scared that you do?”

Billy bit his lip for a second then nodded. “Yes.”

Jason took a couple steps forward. He needed to be closer to him, needed to make the conversation more intimate, quieter and closer and _better_. Billy didn’t back away. Just stood his ground and waited.

“You’re not gonna hit me, right?” Billy asked.

“No,” Jason breathed, smiling. “I’m not, Billy. I’d _never_.”

Billy sighed and rocked his hands at his side. “Good because some of those videos ended poorly and I was just worried-”

“Is that what you were scared about?” Jason asked quickly. “That I’d hit you?”

“No,” Billy said a little too loudly. “It’s something else.”

Jason waited for him to explain, to _overexplain_  in that rapid and fired way he _always_  did and frowned when he didn’t. “Then what is it?”

“I don’t know,” Billy admitted. His voice quivered slightly but Jason noticed.

Jason always  _noticed._

He took another step forward. Billy’s eyes blanched over Jason’s face then he took his own step back. Jason followed, asking, “Then why are you afraid?”

“I-” Billy shook his head, skirting backwards.

Jason chased him, twisting until he had Billy pressed up against a locker, trapped. He felt a little bit wired, a little bit desperate.

Why was Billy afraid of loving him?”

“I love you too,” he said quickly. Maybe that was it. He didn’t respond in the affirmative right away and that tended to snag Billy’s anxiety sometimes. When people didn’t respond quick enough. “I do. I swear.”

Billy kept shaking his head. “That’s not it, Jason. I don’t know why I’m scared, I just _am_.”

“Okay.” Jason understood this. Emotions were always weird and hard to explain. They were just a little weirder and a little harder to explain for Billy. “Okay. What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, can I kiss you?” Jason asked, maybe a little bit too needy but he’d been _dreaming_  about this, _obsessing_  over the way Billy’s lips might feel, the way he might taste, how it would _be_.

Billy made a face, thinking. “I- No.” He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Jason groaned, taking a step back. “You’re killing me here, Billy.”

There was a brief moment of panic in Billy’s eyes before it died out and he flapped his hands out a couple times. “That was a joke.” Jason nodded. Billy relaxed back. “A joke, okay. I’m sorry?”

Jason sighed. “It’s okay, buddy. I- I get it. You don’t _know_  right now.” Coldness shamed down deep into his chest. “You don’t-”

Jason’d known.

The moment Billy had gone, the moment that green light had eclipsed him, he’d known. Realized it.

Figured out what the shifting feelings in his stomach, the shakiness in his chest, what it all meant, the moment Billy vanished and Jason’s heart had sunk into his chest, into his stomach. He’d been unable to breathe, unable to think, to process anything. He’d rescued Billy and Billy had, in turn, saved him and everyone else and in the end, it wasn’t enough.

He’d been terrified too. Ever since.

What if it happened again? Loving someone from a distance was one thing.

Loving them closely, getting to _be_  with them? That would be so much harder and it could _ruin_  him.

Ruin both of them. 

He never wanted to see Billy die again and he knew Billy would never want to see him or any of them die either.

“Billy?” Jason started quietly and he hated the way his voice shook, the way it trembled, weak and exposed. “Are you afraid of loving me because you’re worried I might _die_?”

Billy shrugged. “I guess? I don’t know. I don’t like to think about because it hurts but not in like a physical way but in an emotional way. Sorta like when my dad died but different than that because when he died I was sorta numb for a while but when I think about how much I think I might love you, I think it hurts worse.” He gestured outwardly. “Sorta like when Rita killed me but different.”

Jason stared at him. “Loving me hurts as much as _when you died_?”

Billy stared at him back. “I said something wrong again, didn’t I?”

“Billy-”

“Let me start over!” Billy said quickly, raising his hands, defensive.

Vaguely, Jason relaxed back. Heat was bursting in the back of his head. It burned in the back of his eyes and he shook.

Jason was not the type of person to cry in public or to cry at all. He’d been told he cried ugly and he’d been told he wasn’t _supposed_  to cry, that it was weak and girly and not for men and as much as he’d tried not to, he’d reigned everything in and held in his emotions, those miserable biting feelings, until he could break them out in the field, tackle a man down or rage out on a heavy bag.

But here he was, suddenly exposed and open, and those tears he’d spent years learning to keep back were threatening to break over his face and release a waterfall.

Billy’s jaw worked open, titching itself to the side while he thought. His hands stayed up, eyes to ground and Jason couldn’t help but love him more.

“I think I love you. I don’t know what that’s like. I know what it’s like with my mom and I know that loving her is different from loving Zack and Trini and Kimberly and that loving them is different from how I love you but I do and I love you different from them and I-I need you to know that,” Billy said.

“I know,” Jason said. “I understand, Billy.”

Billy nodded. “I don’t know why I’m scared,” he said. “I just feel weird in my stomach and it’s _angry_  and all kinds of messed up that I don’t know how to deal with and sometimes I think about you not liking me back or you stopping and I think that scares me but I don’t-” Billy stopped. A look of panicked horror encompassed his face. “ _Are you crying?”_

Jason was. The tears were warm and they were dripping slow and infrequent. He shooke his head, pressing his hand to his face, to his eyes, and turning around. “No! I’m just-”

“I made you cry!” Billy said and he sounded miserable and resigned and _utterly destroyed_  by that fact. “I made you cry, Jason, don’t cry, Jason!”

“Billy, I’m just-”

Billy was shaking his head rapidly and his hands were clenched tight to his side and he was stiff and shaking all at the same time. “I can’t-”

“Billy,” Jason whispered, cupping his face. “I’m here, I’m here. Breathe, okay? I need you to breathe for me.”

“I just-” Billy hiccuped. “I’m _scared_  because I don’t _know_  what I feel and I don’t- I don’t like not knowing.”

The admission seemed to tear out of him and Jason shook his head, sniffling. “Billy, you don’t have to know _everything_.” He let out a little broken laugh. “God, you are so smart and perfect and it’s _okay_  not to know how you feel about me. _I’m_ okay with that.”

“You’ll still like me?” Billy whispered.

“Of course,” Jason breathed. He pressed his forehead to Billy’s and inhaled. “I was- I was _terrified_  when you died because I- I couldn’t.” He swallowed around his tongue and closed his eyes. “I couldn’t imagine life without you anymore. I’d only known you for ten days and I couldn’t imagine _not_  being with you.” Tears dripped out of his eyes again, thicker and heavier. His voice quavered. “I can’t _lose_  you, Billy. Not again. So you have to tell me what _you_  want, okay? Tell me your boundaries.” He opened his eyes and Billy’s were shinily staring back at him. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Billy said. “I like this.” He smiled. “Feels… _warm_ almost.” He frowned. “It’s weird. But. A good weird. Like french fries with chocolate milk on them.”

Jason snorted. “What do you want, Billy? From me?”

Billy watched him and then tilted his mouth up and caught Jason’s into a small and brief kiss. He pulled back and said, “That.” He smiled wider. “I liked that.”

“Again?” Jason asked, a little too hopeful.

Billy nodded firmly and placed both hands on Jason’s damp cheeks. “Again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If you are autistic and you find the way I wrote Billy as being off, I’m so sorry and please let me know where I went wrong and how I can do better next time!
> 
> Also I have a lot of difficulty working off character personalities from movies and I literally JUST finished watching the film like three hours ago SO THIS MAY BE A LITTLE OFF ALL TOGETHER BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT BILLY CRANSTON DESERVES TO BE LOVED BY ALL OF HIS FRIENDS AND SMOOCHED AS MUCH AS HE NEEDS.


End file.
